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"Jesus Christ Timmy do not float above me when I am dying in the abyss." Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "absolutly2irish" journal:

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April 1st, 2005
03:28 pm

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COUNTDOWN: 9-10 days to DUSTIN
Yes, it is true. Dustin leaves AFG April 7th, Germany on either the 7th or 8th, then comes to NY to pick up the GTO. I don't have time to really update now-but more later. 9-10 days.....ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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January 27th, 2005
08:45 pm

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Nine-Month Anniversary
Well, yesterday was the nine-month anniversary of the beauty that is Dustin and I. We are on the downhill slope of the battle that is deployment, but after this, he is home forever here in the U.S. of A. and then it will be on [like Donkey Kong.] I really hate saying "anniversary" for something that is not yet a yearly occurrence, but I actually looked in the dictionary and couldn't find a word for a monthly thing. WTF. Dustin hasn't called in a few days and it kind of has me worried, but I am sure that he is just busy with something or... something. He was named Sailor of the Quarter for the 4th quarter of 2004, out of 100+ people, so I am really proud of him right now. I love him to death and I miss him a lot. Today I had my first class in Sociology [Juvenile Delincuency] and we were all introducing ourselves and apparently this guy a couple of seats away from me just got off of active duty and our Lieutenant professor from the East Chester Police decides to give him applause, and the class joined in. This made me very emotional [red and teary] so right about then I didn't think that I should continue taking the course, since this guy is probably going to tell everyone about his service. [And even though I respect his service, etc., he seemed like an asshole to me who played up his duty more than performed it.] Anyways, I had to talk to the professor after class to tell him that I do get emotional and told him of the circumstances. He understood and assured me that he wasn't planning on talking about the war too much. Also this class is a service class, something that I didn't know. Apparently I have to mentor a juvenile offender for ten weeks and help them for two hours every Thursday night with their homework. God dammit. Oh well, community service is good for the record, I guess. More in another couple of weeks.

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January 10th, 2005
09:38 pm

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Amazon Marketplace
I have found out that Amazon Marketplace is AWESOME and addicting. I have a sudden craving to sell the many possessions that I never use to people I've never met using the Internet. This is after selling three textbooks in an hour from Pace that I would have otherwise gottn a dime on the dollar for. I suddenly want to sell all those useless presents that some people have bought me and I have refused to acknowledge to them that they must have been brainless to purchase such pieces of crap. I'm sure that some idiot from Mass. [blue state!] would want these things. Anyways, tomorrow is the exact half-way mark for Dustin and I. He will be back in exactly 3 1/4 mths.

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December 18th, 2004
01:26 am

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Damn, It's been Awhile
Wow-It's been a fuckin WHILE since I last reported. Damn. Okay- I'm going through some boughts of depression here and there from Dustin withdrawl, which we all know can be quite deadly when resisted. I drink a lot at school, shit, I'm drinking now! Usually it's a Smirnoff and Gatorade, but right now I have some Bacardi and Liz Bliz.... stirred, wished it was shaken. I'm kinda shaken. Last weekend was something else. I got completely and UTTERLY wasted. I cried at the party, hung on to miscellaneous peeps for support, and got home via dd. I got up the next morning [I had 1/2 gallon of water before I went to bed... I know, I'm a pro ; ) I checked out how much I drank, and it came to one beer, and half a bottle of a full Smirnoff. DAMN. That's a [as Dustin would say] one metric fuck-ton of shots.] I def. called into work that day, but my boss was coll and he was like, "mmm, kkkkk.....[i'm gay] and i'l see you tomorrow!"

So right, now that I've ignored this entry for the better part of the night, like two or three hours.... I'm gonna finish it off. Dustin won't be able to contact me much for the next 10-15 days b/c he has to set up a new base out in some-bumble fuck. He won't let me get him a Christmas gift till he gets back, which is okay. I would rather give him a New Year's kiss and Christmas presnt to his face. So he asked me to get him a pair of pants and collared shirt, so I'm gonna do that for now. I sent him Anne Coulter's "Treason" and "Michael Moore is a Big, Fat, White Man" which should satisfy him for a bit. I made him a mix and my 'rents gave him Christmas candy and sent over his gift. My family loves him, which is awesome. There isn't something you can't like.

I couldn't go to Breaking Benjamin w/Tanner b/c of stress, finals, and several other personal reasons. I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooo fucking pissed that I couldn't go, but I got the work done. I'm sorry, Tanner. :(

Ishe Liebe, Dustin

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October 4th, 2004
01:32 pm

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The Last Good-Bye
Saying goodbye is harder than I thought. This past weekend was my last weekend w/Dustin till he gets back from Afghanistan. It went by in a flash of what we usually think, feel, and do with occasional boughts of the realization that this was it. Friday night we had my dorm to ourselves and we just hugged through Switchfoot's "This Is Your Life" and made the best of what we were given. Saturday I played soccer vs. Franklin Pierce.... They're #1 in the country for D-2. We lost 1-0, but it was an amazing fight that we could have won. We had the Dawg Pound in effect and since F.P. looked especially like men, the football team in the Pound was screaming such insane shit like, "kick her in the balls!" Real entertainment. Dustin went home to visit people instead of watch the game, but we had a steak dinner at my house w/my family, then I told him that I wanted to go to this really romantic spot in Hopewell that I went to as a kid. I asked if I could drive and Dustin let me, so I didn't have to resort to spiking his drinks at dinner and not telling him till later. We got out there and I was just bullshitting my way through Dustin's questions about the "spot" until I got to James' house. This was the convo between us:

"Is that James' house"?

"The one w/all the cars in front of it? Yea, they must be having a party."

"Yea, must be a party for someone...." [I park in front of his house.]

"You can't just drop by w/o asking!"

"You don't understand... They must be having a party for... SOMEONE...."

"CALL JAMES."

"Someone who won't be here for a VERY long time.... 6 months...."

"OH FUCK! NO WAY!!!" And right about here he starts going biserk, which was awesome to watch.

The party ROCKED.... Compliments of James. Dustin had whoa amounts of alcohol and was quite drizzed. Actually, he was being all serious w/me and when some people came by to say goodby, he was like, "can you give us a minute?" all pissy n shit. It was funny. I love this kid so much.

We stayed the night and went to the diner the next morning. I housed my breakfast [I didn't drink too much] but Dustin only had a little bit of his. We both got shakes. [Mine strawberry and his chocolate....IMPORTANT!] We visited his dad at Greg's house and then dropped off PJ's stuff at his house. He dropped me off at Pace and I got his some food from the cafe.

Our goodbye was pretty sappy and very wet. I basically sobbed and it was very special. So special that I don't want to destroy it by putting all the wonderful details in here.

I'll miss you, Dustin. I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!! And I'll be waiting for you!

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September 13th, 2004
07:35 pm

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College....Blows....
I thought that college would be awesome. Drink all the time, met great new people and finally take all those classes that you want to take, but no! No! NO! You meet new people who you can't hang out with b/c you have practice, you drink, then get surprised w/the keeper physical fitness test on a hangover, you forget that you're here for a degree, not just to play soccer, and you NEVER have tme to go chill with your friends back home for longer than a half-hour. Your roomate is a WHORE and she doesn't understand the meaning of "ask before take." At least mine is. She's had three guys so far and school started FIVE DAYS ago. Doesn't her vagina get tired? What the fuck?

Practice today blew something fierce b/c I was completely out of it. I was only concentrating on the two weekends that I have left w/Dustin before he deploys and I started crying in goal and cursing at myself. My coach keeps asking if I'm alright at weird intervals. Usually he screams my name down a hall to grab my attention, I jog up to him [habit] and he puts his hand on my shoulder in a fatherly fashion and asks if I feel okay, if there's anything he could do and then smiles. I was just going through the motions and just kind of collapsing on the ball today instead of drop-stepping, power-sepping and all the other wonderful things that one must perform. I was walking back to my dorm from the Ho-Jo and I saw Kyla and the token geeky nature-boy talking next to her car, so I went up to her and told her that I was in a really bad mood about the deployment, so what does this assclown do? He says that he hopes that I shouldn't vote for Bush. I had such a fucking face, I could not even believe it. I told him, "well, perhaps I should vote for someone who votes for the war, recants, then says he agrees that we should be there, but that he would be doing things differently." He tells me about the document signed and I'm just fucking tired of it. I tell him that if I were in the right mind I would argue with him all day [if it would even take that long to show him his faults] but that I wanted to shower b/c I'm gross. I start crying on Kyla's shoulder and leave. I come into my room and say hi to Tanner. What happens next?! Asscrack shows up and says that "he doesn't think that I should be alone when you're sad." I tell him that I'm fine and that I'm about to pop into a hot shower to calm my nerves. He was just like, "okay... blah blah blah" -> I had shut the door already and couldn't hear/didn't care what he said.

So now my whorish roommate is out w/this dude [#4 by tomorrow-guaranteed!] and wow. I still can't believe it. She had Tyler sleep over last night and Dave is staying over tonight. What a slut. I told her to calm down, and she told me that since she dumped her boyfriend of two years, she can't help herself. Who says that?!

Anyways, I've decided that if Dustin recruits next year, I'm going to transfer to Marist and if he doesn't then Iona. Tanner said that he's going to Marist to major in business and minor in English, and I'm doubling in history, so we should overlap, which is cool.

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August 21st, 2004
09:49 pm

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RIP Nick
This morning Nick Ferraro, one of my close friends from elementary and middle school, hung himself. He was on anti-depressants and was a drug abuser, but that's the only concrete details I know b/c I drifted away from him when we started high school b/c he started to get into drugs and I didn't. Nick was truly not someone that the world wished would go. He was the guy that you could seriously bring home to your dad b/c your dad would try to grill him and Nick would just make him laugh and he would just charm the hell out of your mother. All the guys wanted to be him and all the girls wanted to date him, but he wasn't the usual asshole that girls wanted to date. He was a better friend than I think he would make a boyfriend, which is meant as a compliment. I wish that I had maybe held on, but I know that at the time I would have never known about his problems. My best friend Sara's boyfriend was best friends w/him, so they hung out a lot, so she was really bad off today. I went to Home Depot to make sure that she was okay, but she decided to leave work early.

My favorite memory of Nick was when we were in third grade. There was construction going on near the playground that winter, so me and the boys [I was a HUGE tomboy] trudged over to check it out. We found a big mound of dirt covered in an inch of snow, and we went to the top of it. On the other side was a spray paint can. I got the bright idea to throw it at a nearby rock and it exploded all over us and our winter coats. I remember trying to explain to the principal at the time, but not knowing how, so I looked around at the other guys. Roman, Noel, and Tommy were all looking down, Roman especially upset b/c his dad was going to shoot him for destroying his new 49ers coat. But Nick was looking up at me and snickering, which made me laugh. Mrs. Lindhart [the principal] asked if I thought this was funny, and Roman shot an angry look at me. Nick's smile would make girls melt for years, me included had I not already been head-over-heels for Tommy.

I'm just hoping that my coach will let me go to the wake Wednesday so that I can remember and be with him one last time.

RIP Nick....

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August 17th, 2004
08:25 pm

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How Wrong I Was....
This morning I awoke wih a sense of dread due to the overwhelming amount of negative comments concerning our swim session that was due to occur this morning. I shaved the bottom half of my legs and prepared for a hellish morning. Well, according to the girls, swimming isn't swim aerobics, or something similarly entertaining and fun. No, it's laps. It's Mike asking how many you can do, then adding ten, then having you do some kick boarding. A lot of girls said that it was in place of sprinting and equally as torturous. I don't think that it as that bad. I've always been a really good swimmer, nothing amazing, but good. I was killin the laps, tired as hell, but doing it. I didn't think anything of it until we started practice. Danielle, the trainer, was working w/the GK's, and my left quad started to bother me, then later on, I merely passed the ball to her and my right quad pulled a bit, but not enough to stop. Eventually we went on to breakaways and Danielle saw that my quad was bothering me a great deal, so she told me that it wasn't worth it w/a scrimmage tomorrow and to cool it a bit, and ice it later.

In other news, I talked to Tanner for a WHOLE five minutes today for the first time in months. I'm happy that the relatively new friendship gone astray is rekindled.

I'm talking to my roommate Kyla, like, everyday now b/c we're trying to plan out our room w/o being able to see the goddamn thing. I asked res-life if one of their people could just show me the stupid room, but no, that would be too easy. W/e.... I've got soccer to worry about.

And my lonliness....*sigh*

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August 15th, 2004
10:49 pm

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More in Hell....
Today actually was not too bad on the soccer front. We had one straight hour of agility [which B-L-E-W] then did some set pieces and breaked to lunch. Later in the afternoon, we had an hour 1/2 of shooting and some more set pieces, then called it a day. The reason why our day didn't consist of our usual 3-4 sessions is b/c of the rain. Mike talked to the football coach [b/c he has priority] and we made an appointment for the gym for 11:30, so no one was up to be told otherwise. So that ROCKED. Dinner was made by Carla's aunt, whose also a masseuse, so we all got free back rubs and offers for more before and/or after games. Anne, the masseuse, talked about her view on war and everything and I was waiting for her start shouting "peace! Peace! Peace!" And throw up her hippie peace sign. But instead, she told me that if we want to fight, that we should just go in there and do what we got to do, kill however many we must, and just get the job done. I was like, "oh, shit...h-YEA!" So we talked a lot about war n shit, so I naturally talked about Dustin, etc. But now I've got to get to bed for MORE sessions....

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10:49 pm

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More in Hell....
Today actually was not too bad on the soccer front. We had one straight hour of agility [which B-L-E-W] then did some set pieces and breaked to lunch. Later in the afternoon, we had an hour 1/2 of shooting and some more set pieces, then called it a day. The reason why our day didn't consist of our usual 3-4 sessions is b/c of the rain. Mike talked to the football coach [b/c he has priority] and we made an appointment for the gym for 11:30, so no one was up to be told otherwise. So that ROCKED. Dinner was made by Carla's aunt, whose also a masseuse, so we all got free back rubs and offers for more before and/or after games. Anne, the masseuse, talked about her view on war and everything and I was waiting for her start shouting "peace! Peace! Peace!" And throw up her hippie peace sign. But instead, she told me that if we want to fight, that we should just go in there and do what we got to do, kill however many we must, and just get the job done. I was like, "oh, shit...h-YEA!" So we talked a lot about war n shit, so I naturally talked about Dustin, etc. But now I've got to get to bed for MORE sessions....

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